I recognized who he is the first moment I looked into his eyes. There is no question in my mind that he is my soulmate in this life. The deep connection I experienced made me feel as if this relationship was going to be a walk in the park. But that is far from the Truth. Rather, he took my hand and led me into the fire of the ugliness that I still have within the Self. I tried to control it, acting as if it didn’t exist because I’ve done my work (so I thought). I even tried to focus on his ugliness through the metaphysical meanings behind his disabilities, but this just delayed my eruption that exposed parts of me that I haven’t seen in over a decade; or, rather parts of me that were easily bypassed due to my eagerness to help others.
he took my hand and led me into the fire
of the ugliness that I still have within the Self.
As I reflect back, I see that he tried to gently show me that I am an impatient person. This is something that I didn’t understand about myself since I can sit in meditation for hours and be the first person to say, “All is in divine flow,” when things don’t go according to plan. However, he was correct - I am an impatient person. My impatience is deeply rooted to a temper and a know-it-all attitude that demands instant results. This combination instills fear in most. And fear creates a space for my ego to grow to unimaginable lengths. So, now, with my second lesson in hand, what is it that I am to do?
I must start with accepting that I am not perfect and that I am still healing. I must accept the choices I have made and the choices that others are currently making. Finally, I must accept all that I am carrying on my shoulders as I suffer through my karma. Growing pains hurt the most, yet they seem to be necessary in order to truly embrace our karmic lessons.
And so I stand here with my lessons and see that I must change in order to vibrate higher and stay on the golden path towards enlightenment. With acceptance now close to my heart, I begin to focus on my breathing, allowing my breath (which at this point consists mostly of pain-releasing sighs) to bring me back to my body - my temple - my home. I’m trying to take a breath before I respond to anyone and everyone which gives me a moment to truly be present and patient. Fortunately, I understand the process of releasing habits that no longer serve one’s Soul and the forming of new habits that allow one to thrive.
I must start with accepting that I am not perfect
and that I am still healing.
It is here, right now, that I choose to change for the better. My ability to change and grow is the best way that I can apologize to those that I have hurt in the past (including the Self).